responsibility

It's been a crazy week.
I am about ready to call it a day, and it's only 7:50 a.m. ....
and I have a lot of little bodies here that I am responsible for, so I'm on day care duty for another 10 hours.

Then its just regular mom duty.

There are so many times when I feel like, why do I bother working so hard to make sure these kiddos are happy, when at this exact moment they are hovered around the TV taking turns playing playstation? They are HAPPY. You see they are very excited about doing this because I don't allow them to use the playstation, but a little guy brings his in when there are breaks off school, and sometimes I let them play.

I make them turn off the TV, and play outside, and play inside. It seems to take a lot of energy on my part to veer them away from the TV, but some weeks a few days will go by and I realize that the TV hasn't even been turned on. Then I'm really proud, like I have accomplished something.

Sometimes I wonder why I worry about it so much.

I get SO frustrated when I get everyone outside, and they stand around "bored" . There is nothing to do outside I guess.

Apparently the dozen bikes, jump ropes, basketball hoop, soccer net, balls, bats, chalk, scooters, swing set, slide, playhouse, rackets, and other toys are all invisible. Because I'm almost positive that if they could see them, they would know that there are a million things to do outside.

Yesterday was great outside. They played, they rode, they dribbled, and kicked. They barely complained.

It would be super easy for me to park my butt in front of the TV or computer & park theirs in front of the TV all day. And they would be happy.

But as I tell them each day I am responsible for them. My job is to make sure that they are safe, healthy, and happy while they are at my house.

They would eat PBJ & chips every day for lunch, and love it. But no such luck, they get a hot lunch with a fruit & veggy. Hot breakfast too.... cereal is only once a week.

For all of this my day ended with a kiddo telling me that I am stupid, and he hates me and my mean stupid school.

Earlier in the day he crapped all over my bathroom. I discovered the crap when I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. Of course it when at that moment when I realized that he was the culprit, and that it wasn't dirt on his pants.

But I got him the boy est looking clothes that fit him to put on, and told him very loudly how his pants were so muddy I thought he'd be more comfortable in clean clothes. I told all the kids that I had an accident in the bathroom.

He systematically caused every child here to fall off of their bikes, when he ran them off the side walk.

He hit another child while the other child's mom was here.

And he ended the day by insulting me. And I know that he is young, and that I shouldn't engage in a verbal battle with a child. But I have to tell you that my feeling were hurt. I've had it.

I explained to him that he was told the last time he hit children that if he did it again, he would not be able to come to my house, so what should I do? He informed me that he was glad to not come to this mean place because his new babysitter has Xbox, playstation 3, nintendo, and I don't know what else he said maybe atari or intellivision, he was going on & on about all the electronic wonder awaiting him at his new babysitters.

(he has moved out of the school district, but is finishing out the school year with me. Then leaving at the end of the school year to go to his district)

I am very proud to say that I told him, your new babysitter sounds great, there must be a bunch of lazy fat boring kids there if that's all they do.

Not my best moment.

But I'd had it.

So I sat for a minute, and breathed. And realized that this is a little guy who for some reason is angry, and I am a grown woman who knows better . This little guy has a difficult time at school at home, and he usually thrives here.

So I told him that I loved him, and my heart was just sad because his words hurt it.

And he told me that it isn't fair that the older kids are allowed to ride their bikes to the 5th driveway, when he (and Libby by the way) are only allowed to ride to the 4th driveway.

All that anger. All that frustration. All that poop. One driveway.

Why? Why? Why?

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

My neighbor across the street has a little boy Samantha's age. Once in a while he comes here for the day. I don't want him all the time, not because he's not great, but because she is my friend & I don't want to mix friendship & business.

He arrived about 20 minutes before she was supposed to leave for work. He was so excited to come over and spend the day. He told me he loves being here.

One of the little girls is spending the night tonight with Libby. Her mom told me she was up at 5:30 singing & dancing in the bathroom, cuz she was going to be able to be here all day, all night , then all day.

My girls don't have to wake up and rush to get ready to go to daycare, where it really wasn't any fun.

I go on field trips, and volunteer in the classroom.

Those are more than enough reasons. I do a good job.