Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Everything is scary

I used to be fearless. Well, okay I guess not really fearless, but I guess a lot less fearful. I wasn't worried about, well a lot of things .....

After having children, everything is scary.

A few examples of things that never used to scare me are....... public bathrooms, roller blades, shopping carts, and grapes.

Grapes? you might ask, shopping carts?

And I answer , yes......... most especially grapes and shopping carts.

Grapes are one of the top choking hazards. I still cut Libby's if no one is looking, (you see I take a lot of heat for my fear of grapes). What does is hurt to just cut them in half? When my girls were toddlers, I cut each grape into sixes. With pride. Did I (alright...... do I ...) think that every grape that they pop into their mouth will lodge in their throats and cut off oxygen? No. But if I can minimize the risk, WHY NOT.

Shopping carts......... ewwww ewwwwww........ there was a study done & they tested a sample of shopping carts from many many different super markets around the country. I wish I remember who did it, I learned this at a daycare in service....... anyway what was found was......

please do not read further if you plan on going to the supermarket without germX ever again....

Every body fluid possible. Now I could list what was found, but just think beyond saliva, boogers, and blood....... EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW......

Wegmans, bless their hearts, has a wipes dispenser near the carts, that I faithfully use each time. I have never ever seen anyone else use these while I am there.

And you wonder why you should wash your produce.....

I really didn't ever worry about things like this before kids.

When I got pregnant for Samantha I relied on my doctor & the media to let me know what to fear...... caffeine, second hand smoke, tuna fish...................

all right, you got me, I've always been afraid of tuna fish ............

But all of a sudden one day you bring this precious perfect baby into a severely imperfect world. And it changes.

Then there are the big scaries..... like child molesters, and kidnappers, and severe injuries, and illnesses, terrorists, and republicans........................ (just kidding on that last one, just checking to see if my husband reads these or not because he will comment).

After 9/11, I put together a "safe kit". There was water, and baked beans, peanut butter, duct tape, and garbage bags, toilet paper, a land line phone, aeriel antennae for the TV, & when Libby came along diapers, & baby formula, to mention a few items. I kept it for about 3 years. One time I even used it, when we had an ice storm & cable went out..... I used the aeriel antennae for about 6 minutes before we lost all power, but then I used the land line telephone while the power stayed out for a couple days.

But time went on, and I couldn't justify my obsession, my worry, when my youngest was three, and somewhere in that plastic bin were still size 2 diapers . So I disassembled it. And without it to focus on, it's a bit easier.

Now there are just public bathrooms, roller blades, and one day GULP drivers licenses.

But i will get through it. I can't allow my children to be afraid of the world. So I put on their helmets, and elbow pads & knee pads. And I carry the toilet seat liners in my purse. And as far as my girls know, I have no fear of toilet seats, shopping carts, and roller blades.

They are well aware of the grapes.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


It's been a crazy week.
I am about ready to call it a day, and it's only 7:50 a.m. ....
and I have a lot of little bodies here that I am responsible for, so I'm on day care duty for another 10 hours.

Then its just regular mom duty.

There are so many times when I feel like, why do I bother working so hard to make sure these kiddos are happy, when at this exact moment they are hovered around the TV taking turns playing playstation? They are HAPPY. You see they are very excited about doing this because I don't allow them to use the playstation, but a little guy brings his in when there are breaks off school, and sometimes I let them play.

I make them turn off the TV, and play outside, and play inside. It seems to take a lot of energy on my part to veer them away from the TV, but some weeks a few days will go by and I realize that the TV hasn't even been turned on. Then I'm really proud, like I have accomplished something.

Sometimes I wonder why I worry about it so much.

I get SO frustrated when I get everyone outside, and they stand around "bored" . There is nothing to do outside I guess.

Apparently the dozen bikes, jump ropes, basketball hoop, soccer net, balls, bats, chalk, scooters, swing set, slide, playhouse, rackets, and other toys are all invisible. Because I'm almost positive that if they could see them, they would know that there are a million things to do outside.

Yesterday was great outside. They played, they rode, they dribbled, and kicked. They barely complained.

It would be super easy for me to park my butt in front of the TV or computer & park theirs in front of the TV all day. And they would be happy.

But as I tell them each day I am responsible for them. My job is to make sure that they are safe, healthy, and happy while they are at my house.

They would eat PBJ & chips every day for lunch, and love it. But no such luck, they get a hot lunch with a fruit & veggy. Hot breakfast too.... cereal is only once a week.

For all of this my day ended with a kiddo telling me that I am stupid, and he hates me and my mean stupid school.

Earlier in the day he crapped all over my bathroom. I discovered the crap when I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. Of course it when at that moment when I realized that he was the culprit, and that it wasn't dirt on his pants.

But I got him the boy est looking clothes that fit him to put on, and told him very loudly how his pants were so muddy I thought he'd be more comfortable in clean clothes. I told all the kids that I had an accident in the bathroom.

He systematically caused every child here to fall off of their bikes, when he ran them off the side walk.

He hit another child while the other child's mom was here.

And he ended the day by insulting me. And I know that he is young, and that I shouldn't engage in a verbal battle with a child. But I have to tell you that my feeling were hurt. I've had it.

I explained to him that he was told the last time he hit children that if he did it again, he would not be able to come to my house, so what should I do? He informed me that he was glad to not come to this mean place because his new babysitter has Xbox, playstation 3, nintendo, and I don't know what else he said maybe atari or intellivision, he was going on & on about all the electronic wonder awaiting him at his new babysitters.

(he has moved out of the school district, but is finishing out the school year with me. Then leaving at the end of the school year to go to his district)

I am very proud to say that I told him, your new babysitter sounds great, there must be a bunch of lazy fat boring kids there if that's all they do.

Not my best moment.

But I'd had it.

So I sat for a minute, and breathed. And realized that this is a little guy who for some reason is angry, and I am a grown woman who knows better . This little guy has a difficult time at school at home, and he usually thrives here.

So I told him that I loved him, and my heart was just sad because his words hurt it.

And he told me that it isn't fair that the older kids are allowed to ride their bikes to the 5th driveway, when he (and Libby by the way) are only allowed to ride to the 4th driveway.

All that anger. All that frustration. All that poop. One driveway.

Why? Why? Why?


My neighbor across the street has a little boy Samantha's age. Once in a while he comes here for the day. I don't want him all the time, not because he's not great, but because she is my friend & I don't want to mix friendship & business.

He arrived about 20 minutes before she was supposed to leave for work. He was so excited to come over and spend the day. He told me he loves being here.

One of the little girls is spending the night tonight with Libby. Her mom told me she was up at 5:30 singing & dancing in the bathroom, cuz she was going to be able to be here all day, all night , then all day.

My girls don't have to wake up and rush to get ready to go to daycare, where it really wasn't any fun.

I go on field trips, and volunteer in the classroom.

Those are more than enough reasons. I do a good job.

Monday, April 7, 2008

mean pictures

As I sit here crying over the letter to bring my child to the junoir high tonight for information and a tour, I began to look through pictures on my computer. Now I can't get too nostalgic because although digital cameras have been around a while, I only in the past few years have purchased one, so i only have about 2 years of pics on here. maybe less, now when i eventaully get the freezer bag of film developed that I just haven't found the time to do, watch out....... I'll be crying for weeks....

Anyway, here are a few pics that made me laugh..... Why did I take these..... and what do I do to Samantha to freak her out every holiday?

I am especially proud of the first picture, you see you can't tell but Libby knee is actually broken, and after I made her pose for this group picture, I continually tried to distract her & then trick her into walking on it. I thought she was being dramatic. The one with the dirt? Well she was playing & fell & I thought her face was so funny with all the dirt..... And the pink stuff? Mosquito bites from trying to sleep in a tent with Uncle Tommy & Jenna. Why the pictures? No idea...

And poor Samantha. I know they say holidays bring out the worst in people, but apparently they just make my baby cry. I had Christmas ones from this year too, but I deleted them.

I'd like to say I will stop, but I won't. Look I even posted them for all to see.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Libby's fashions

I was going throught the pictures on my computer & laughing to myself at Libby's fashion ideas.... maybe they will give u a chuckle too :)

This one is of her favorite "headband", it's really a mask for sleeping, but she loved it.... This phase lasted about a month, and she wore it everywhere....

This is when she took our snowman making kit & dressed herself, she wore the hat & scarf for a few days ........

I know she is in pajamas here, and that isn't the outfit, it's the swim goggles on her head. This phase lasted about 3 weeks. It was February.

She wore this outside to play, we let her pick whatever she wanted, it was only outside in our front yard. Besides what's the difference between pajamas & clothes?
This past October, Halloween costume. 2 weeks. Only at home, and only outside after Halloween.

And I think everyone has already seen her pants & skirt combos ..............

I think being unique is so much more fun than being fashionable...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I'm old .........

I just had my 34 1/2 year old birthday. I know most of you are surprised, because I didn't get the usual barrage of cards, gifts, and invites to take me out..... LOL, actually I usually remember because a friend of Sam's & I share the same birthday and he usually calls me, to wish me a happy 1/2 birthday. He didn't call this year though. And I missed it. But I know why he didn't call......... he became a Dad! The focus has shifted.

Now, I only have two children. I am responsible for a few more than that, for about 6 hours a day, but only two are mine.
Between their birthdays, physicals, dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments, eye doctor visits, recitals, concerts, open houses, plays, dance lessons, soccer games, play dates, birthday parties, field trips, and special events at school (like open house tonight), I am surprised that I remember that I am 34 1/2. My focus shifted about 11 years, 1 month, and 3 days ago, give or take......

We started our family earlier than most of my friends, and almost all of Sam's friends. I think we were just lucky enough to have met each other at an earlier age. They are all beginning their families. We have finished ours. Their priorities are just beginning to change.....

Sam & I were each lucky enough to have the opportunity to leave our parents' house and live on our own before we settled in together. I am so grateful for that experience. I think every person should be able to have some time in between being someones child and someones spouse, to just be themselves.

Being myself was a lot of fun. I was a lot of fun. Now it seems that I only catch a glimpse of that person once in a while. I miss her. She was always in a good mood, and always ready to go out, to a party, or to dinner, or to a bar. She always had enough sleep, it didn't matter if the apartment was messy, she dated, and she had a lot of "me" time.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like being this me better. At this point in my life the most important things I could be doing, or would ever want to do is doctor's appointment, soccer games, dance recitals, band concerts, and school events. It is all I ever dreamed of doing. It is more fun than any party I've ever been too, and more fulfilling than any "me" time I could possible spend.

But, I think that now I am 34 1/2 , maybe I will try to interject my old self into my regular life. I'm not going to bar hop, or start dating (hmmmmmmm....... tee hee hee). But I would definitely like to start going on dates with Sam again. And maybe I won't let 6 months go by in between hair cuts, like the last time, and maybe I will make fun a priority . There must be a happy balance somewhere between the frazzled mom & the fun Kristine.

I think that my whole family would actually benefit. It won't be a split-focus.... my focus is forever changed for the better, but a little peripheral vision never hurt :)